Dear Counselor,

February marks a time when I am bombarded with ideas of love in the form of flowers, chocolates, teddy bears and all things Valentine’s Day. It is something I cannot escape and personally, being alone and wishing I had a partner this month sucks! Any suggestions?

Thanks, Alone on Valentine’s Day in DFW

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Dear Alone on Valentine’s Day in DFW,

Valentine’s Day – known as the “day of romance” can certainly be an unpleasant time for lonely hearts. But, let’s take a look at what romance means. Romance, defined by Merriam-Webster as a verb is “to give special attention to (someone) in order to get something that you want from that person”. A Google search defines it as a noun, stating, “a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life”.

Many of us have difficulty loving and honoring ourselves, whether it is around Valentine’s Day or otherwise, we are often seeking outside approval and validation in hopes of feeling special and “good” about ourselves. However, to obtain substantially retainable feelings of approval we must first spend time figuring out how to appreciate ourselves for who we are. Love is not selfish and loving ourselves is not selfish either.

Here are my questions to you: What can you do to romance yourself? What special attention can you give yourself that promotes excitement – something remote from everyday life? I suggest you do those things not only on Valentine’s Day but also all year through. For without the ability to love our self we cannot sustain a loving relationship with another.

Some links to articles you may find worth reading:

In Peace and Compassion,

Jessica Blue Sky Vigil, LPC

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